In watching a news clip not so long ago, my millennial son looked at me and poignantly stated, “Wow, Mom, we are living in 2 different countries!” I agreed then and now especially with McConnell’s statement yesterday that 100% of his focus is on blocking the Biden agenda. (Similar to his stance and leadership during Obama’s administration.) Zero concern for We The People, ending the pandemic, economic recovery, unification, and saving Democracy.
Disinfectants
Fully vaccinated, last Friday night I dined inside a small Marin restaurant. Just as I started to eat the delicious appetizers, someone cleared and wiped the large, round table to my left with a cloth, of which the Clorox to water ratio was amiss. Being an HSP adversely affected by strong smells, including many botanicals, and aware of the harmful effects on the immune system especially of chemically-derived fragrances, this was off-putting and somewhat of a deterrent for enjoying my food. Luckily, the scent was short-lived!
Recently, I saw a video from Delta Airlines showing the disinfecting process in the hopes of allaying fears and luring passengers. A Clorox derivative was being sprayed in the air and on the surfaces. My reaction was UGH, we are now being inundated with toxic chemicals, not to mention I better not wear any good clothes on a plane. I’ve seen other videos of this type of spraying promoting safety in gyms too. The Covid response of disinfecting everything with heavy chemicals like Clorox and Lysol has been a boon to the manufacturers. I shudder at the thought of children being exposed to these. There are far more benign yet effective solutions to use.
Release From Restrictions
Hallelujah
Justis For All
Kinda tangled and obscured at the moment.
Truth
What is it?
Deconstruction Again
It appears this is a daily, moment-by-moment practice to observe and analyze the internal workings of my thoughts, to be aware of what I say to myself, and to make corrections where necessary for optimal feelings and results. Like, if I take my sometimes thought/proclamation, “I’m never going to get out of this” and redirect to “I am resilient and I will find a way to get out of this”, there’s a dramatic, positive shift in my energy and mood. Ah, the discipline of thought again and again!
Ahmi
After my personal session with this amazing, intuitive horse, I was sitting with the group and listening intently to the equine coach. Ahmi suddenly reached through his stall guardrail and started to lovingly touch my back; at which point, the coach said, “Karen, Ahmi has your back!” It was a very cool moment and helped me understand that this is possible to have in a relationship. I went home, reached for my media pad and acrylic pens and repeated for documentation.
Equine Therapy
I enrolled in a 6-month MHR Internship and Coaching Program at Medicine Horse Ranch starting a month ago. This is what I signed up for: "The size, presence and power of a horse is naturally intimidating to many people. Accomplishing a task involving the horse, in spite of fear, creates confidence and provides for some wonderful metaphors when dealing with other intimidating and challenging situations in life. Participants can rebuild trust easily with a horse, which may have seemed impossible to do with other people. Activities with horses provide metaphors and mirrors for real life experiences in a safe, non-judgmental environment. Partnering with a horse is fertile ground for developing new practices that re-build trust, deepen authenticity, leverage strength based skills and encourage self care.”
In just the first session, I, as well as the other 5 in my group, gained invaluable insights into ourselves and behavior. We worked with a wonderful horse named Ahmi. To be continued!
Each day I receive multiple notifications that a certain person or company posted for the first time in a while. This makes me realize that I am not the only one who has felt somewhat befuddled, perhaps lost, with creativity, inspiration, and business greatly affected by Covid and months of erratic shelter-in-place mandates. (My leanings are not far right, nor are they far left liberal authoritarianism.) Although early on I managed to clean out drawers and closets, overall, I did not find 2020 to be a time of finishing creative projects; essentially, wrapping things up in readiness for new horizons. Conversely, I felt shut down, isolated, and constricted in a desolate urban area of high rises and concrete with little motivation to write and paint. Was it wasted time? Perhaps. Regardless, I accept that I found myself somewhat steeped in introspection and a state of funk, illustrated by my small works below. Is this changing? Yes, thank goodness, and like the blossoming of a flower, I trust in my work and openings for new opportunities.
In this image I have written a 4-letter word starting with h.
Deconstruction
Yesterday I was speaking to a friend. Among other things, I told her I was not in a great zest for life mode and haven’t been for a while. As I had just finished a Spirit Rock workshop on “Yes: Practicing What Is”, she reminded me to say yes to and just allow what I was feeling and experiencing. (I suddenly remembered my posts on Just is, the moments where I got it.) Then, right before saying goodbye, she said, “Deconstruction, Karen!” I said I would have to look up the definition to understand fully. To which she replied, Reconstruction!”
Deconstruction: “A method of critical analysis of philosophical and literary language which emphasizes the internal workings of language and conceptual systems, the relational quality of meaning, and the assumptions implicit in forms of expression.” (English Dictionary)
Reconstruction: “A thing that has been rebuilt after being damaged or destroyed; comparison between the original and the reconstruction.” (English Dictionary)
Aha, I had been trapped in negative mental habits and patterns of thought that diminished my soul vitality. Further, as Byron Katie said, “I discovered that when I believed my thoughts, I suffered, but that when I didn’t believe them, I didn’t suffer, and that is true for every human being ….. I found that suffering is optional.” And so, I write, get out my paints, and claim myself as the artist I Am.
