A Memory

Years ago when my son was 5, we started a practice of saying prayers of gratitude prior to eating dinner. When it was his turn, he said, "Thank you, God, for me, my Mom and my Dad." Emphatically stating gratitude for his life first was immediately impactful. I felt elated for him to embody and be sustained by this. And, in wonderment, I was struck with the fundamental question, "What does that really feel like - to be happy and grateful for one's life?" 

As I experienced significant distressing and disturbing events in early childhood through adolescence, this sense of the value of my life and the preciousness of the human experience was indeed elusive. My son's prayer turned out to be a turning point and cornerstone for deeper inquiry, and I shall be forever grateful to him for his teaching and prompting.

BTW, this was the only prayer my son kept repeating at dinnertime until his father taught him the Lord's Prayer. Thereafter, he recited that as his prayer. Although important to know this, I honestly felt disappointed and unhappy over the replacement, as it wasn't from his heart; rather, from, albeit, impressive memorization. It was way too long to repeat when we were hungry and just wanted to eat. As time went on, his Lord's Prayer recital at the dinner table elicited laughter as, unquestionably, there was a hilarious component to the length.

Meditation

I've been practicing TM (Transcendental Meditation) for years. It involves a mantra and 2-20 min meditations,  AM and PM. Lately, especially in the mornings, to sit quietly isn't a preference as I wake up with creative urges. Not so surprisingly, in a recent session with my spiritual guide (psychic), she brought up this issue and suggested I include/practice moving meditations such as walking, dancing, making art, writing, etc.  

She then said something very beautiful. "When the hummingbirds come for you, then your dictates for meditation have to change around that as it's a totally new flow you're in; and it's about permission to let your light shine."

Hence, these 4 AM blog postings.

Grist For The Mill

I truly, truly understand that absolutely everything I've experienced, all the pleasant as well as painful, high-voltage passages, are the cornerstones for my creative expression and material for what I have to say now and and going forward.

A big smile is radiating from my heart!

Fortify

English dictionary - "Strengthen or invigorate (someone) mentally or physically". I now prefer this over the word support - "give approval, comfort and encouragement". Fortify closely matches the extraordinary team I've assembled in launching my new life. Keenly aware this is not a solo operation, I've diligently sought and found professionals with utmost brilliance. With a masterful homeopath, functional regenerative medicine doctor, acupuncturist, network spinal analysis practitioner, attorney, financial management company, therapist, voice teacher, energy worker, astrologer, and spiritual guide, I'm rocking and rolling, feeling so very excited and blessed to have the wherewithal to pursue my destiny with full force and be in marvelous collaboration.

Grey Hair

Somehow, miraculously, I still have a full head of reddish, brown hair. However, I see sporadic, small strands of shimmering silver (ok grey) starting to emerge. My stylist advised to just use a magic marker. Although that seemed strange, when I got home, I sorted through my art supplies and found a Prismacolor Premier art marker with the same color as my hair. So now it's under the category of an ever-so-mini art project; therefore, much more palatable.

I fully appreciate and bless each moment I have with my beautiful, natural hair color.

Hey, Wait For Me

Lately, I've been reminiscing about my beloved, deceased father. It's been decades since he went "on ahead" so unexpectedly. Although the great amount of time has offered healing, there's no question that I still feel a deep longing to be reunited with him.

In rapidly and thickly applying acrylic on this claybord, a figure in rigorous motion emerged. The words, "Hey, wait for me" burst into my mind followed by a feeling that I was left behind.

My father and I were unusually close. My mother told me of all my sisters, I was the sensitive one who always had to be near and touching him; that I thrived on the contact and our connection.

Flourishing emotionally and physically without him has been a lifelong, challenging journey. As a child, I certainly could not understand why he didn't take me with him. As an adolescent and adult, I often felt like he left me alone in the woods.

Screaming Fit

On July 12th, I woke up feeling anxious. Anger quickly seeped into the mix. (Most likely sadness was an underlying emotion, but I wasn't able to access it.) An image of my mother who passed away 5 months ago loomed large in my mind. She was a complicated woman and highly enigmatic for me, a super sensitive being. Anyway, I began my practices - meditation and exercise - hoping to thwart the uncomfortable feelings. Then, I jumped into my vehicle as I had the usual Thursday appointment with my therapist. Perfect, Tommy, Perfect! 

All of a sudden, I started screaming (a no-no my voice teacher says for vocal chords) and swearing at Mom, Dad, and a few others. I completely let my mouth rip! This went on for the 25 minute trip. In spite of a twinge of vocal chord strain, I felt so liberated. I had actually allowed myself to wildly express my anger in absolute safety knowing other drivers couldn't listen and that Mom and Dad were in the etheric realm of unconditional love where they could finally hear me. 

Giving myself permission to engage in this screaming was a cleansing that gave way to enormously joyous and productive following days. Forget thwarting. It's about accepting and moving through what is in various ways. I shall remember the value of this fit along with taking the toy bat and beating my duvet. An advisor recommended I also break things, like throwing dishes on the ground, as a kinetic exercise to flush out and release any longstanding issues/old irritants.