Betrayal

Receiving the envelope has sparked this topic again. This has been tough and heart-wrenching to grasp an understanding of, to feel and segue through. I’ve experienced it in childhood, my long-term marriage, divorce and now birth family again a hundred fold; coming full circle to where it all started. (Although, I could add past lives. Lol!). Thwarting truth, glass half empty, insane jealousy, victim mentality, scamming, a mother and 4 daughters all vying for survival with fear as a spearhead.

Clearly, I could not control the periodic, unsavory behavior of the involved characters towards me because I dared to be different, to keep searching for and following my truth. I know it is time to lay the past down, with awareness that it no longer adversely affects me; rather, it informs me and inspires my creativity.

I intend to practice love, compassion and exercise the principle of letting go and moving forward fortified with the only power I have which is over my thoughts, emotions and actions. Most definitely a moment by moment dance.

The Envelope

Yesterday it arrived and, Goddamn, in a momentary loss of focus, I inadvertently and jaggedly tore the top. Peering inside, I caught a quick glimpse at a folded up legal document with a signature. Expecting this by mid-January, I had been on mail alert with steadfast intention to “return to sender” this intact and unopened envelope. OOPS! Immediately, reflex-style, I grabbed the scotch tape and began a mini art project taping the top back together to pass postal inspection.

As mentioned previously, an older sibling, in collusion with her twin sons, stole my monetary inheritance/gift. Repeatedly lying, they got mother to transfer the deed to her valuable property on LaRinconada Drive outside her will and trust, thereby, removing it as an asset and making it “untouchable”. The combination of living to an older age and bilking by siblings and nephews left a small amount of liquid assets, an amount that would not cover my stated gift and that of younger sister. To make the scam/theft complete, this older sibling and sons petitioned the Court to abate our gifts. My only recourse - file an elderly financial abuse lawsuit, which is certainly the case here. I thought long and hard about it; however, in weighing cost vs. benefit, it made no sense. It would have been a solo venture as my younger sister received her inheritance/gift in advance a few years ago.

Uncontested, this Petition would be signed by a judge and the theft legitimized. Another legal document concealing deceit and signifying injustice and, well, a familiar “Ugh” for me from divorce litigation. So, upon receipt, I prepared to get it out of my field of energy ASAP.

Drop off at the post office was empowering as I acknowledged a Divine, higher law, law of attraction and the boomerang effect. How foolish for anyone to think that ignoble behavior leads to happiness.

“Life Itself”

A friend highly recommended this movie on Amazon Prime. She thought I would “love it and LOVE the message”! So, on New Year’s later in the evening, I started the streaming. Anticipating it would be a “feel good” story, my plan was to view half of it, postponing the other half to the next evening, then happily go to bed. Whoa, a warning - there were intense, unexpected violent scenes that came quicker than I could cover my eyes. As soon as visual calm was restored, I chose to go to bed given late hours from previous days’ festivities. Of course, my sleep was rocky.

This is not a movie to watch in Parts 1 and 2. (New intention - only start a movie if it can be finished within the associated timeframe). The next morning right after meditating, aware of immediacy for resolution of the dissonance, I reactivated the Apple TV Amazon app.

On completion, early befuddlement was replaced with love of the message. I found this movie to be immensely provoking mentally and emotionally, triggering an even deeper understanding of varied, life sequences and letting the past go. Thumbs up for me!

Constitution For The United States - Preamble

We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America. (www.usconstitution.net/xconst_preamble.html)

IMG_9189.jpg

The Government Shutdown

A friend posted this on Facebook. One picture can say a lot! “Because of a lapse in federal appropriations, this national park facility is closed for the safety of visitors and park resources.” ‘Tis the holiday season and one of the most popular hangouts for residents and tourists. And, I understand this pales in comparison to all those who are in dire straits from the ego-driven personalities and policies pulsating in Washington D.C.

IMG_9173.jpg

Uranus Transit - Pivotal Year Cont’d

My astrologer says my chart for the next couple of years is a story of Uranus and that I am currently in a Uranus initiation, which can be be challenging.

From cafeastrology.com: “How Uranus affects our lives depends very much on whether we resist its influences or we try to work with the planet of independence, liberation and enlightenment. While Saturn slows down our inner clock in order to persuade us to face reality” (which has certainly been in play in my chart/life until 12/21), “Uranus speeds up our tempo in order for us to consider taking risks and making changes.

Transiting Uranus acts to disrupt, change, and re-do whatever it touches. Uranus frees us from thinking inside the box, and offers us opportunities for reaching out and trying something completely new. Uranus speeds up our lives, offering us chances to experiment with totally new ways of living and interacting with others and our environment. Uranus is forward-looking and does not have patience with lifestyles or attitudes that are attached to the past or the traditional. Transiting Uranus shakes us up and offers us a chance to be more aware of our individuality. Uranus doesn’t accept stagnation nor does it accept restriction. Personal freedom is highlighted. Transiting Uranus acts to awaken and to make us aware of our feelings of being restricted and constricted. Uranus surprises, jolts, and stimulates.”

So, innovation and revolution - I’m feeling the restlessness!

2018

With the passing of mother and ensuing family drama spearheaded by an older female sibling and her twin sons regarding her estate, I was forced to retreat inside and do even deeper work. The shock was intense and the betrayal so painful, there was nothing to do but focus on myself. I relied on my grounding practices, support from healthcare practitioners and the 3 p’s - persistence, perseverance, and patience. Creativity went to sleep like a bear in winter. And, it is winter - perhaps perfectly timed!

I’ve trudged through it for months. Happily, more important pieces of the puzzle have fallen into place. I have utmost understanding and clarity of this human experience that often necessitates going through travail with those who are closest in order to separate. I have a revitalized sense of freedom from release of family karma. No longer is there nor will there be any person in my life who harasses or blocks me. With love, I rise from the family pod I was born into as my own person.

This is a pivotal year for me.