The Grab - 1

I was remarking to a couple of health care professionals that there is no drama in my life right now. Having dealt with high drama most of my life, starting at age 2, although a welcome relief, this is quite foreign and sometimes feels a tad like my life has come to a standstill. There is no person now in my immediate circle who consciously or unconsciously projects his or her jealousies, resentments, rage or unresolved wounding from trauma and childhood experiences onto me, thereby, impacting sense of self and thwarting my rise.

This is very good! And then, on a recent Friday afternoon as I was happily out and about downtown, celebrating the warmth of the sun after so much rain, I unexpectedly got a call from someone I used to be in relationship with. Struck with “The Grab”, I let it go to voicemail. Same for the 2nd call immediately after. I knew that any interaction with this person was a trigger, thus, I had to take time to appropriately prepare myself. Realizing I wanted to avoid the effort and maintain my happy mood, I proceeded to go into a store. Right as my shoe salesman started walking to the stockroom, I heard the ping, looked down at the follow-up text and, inadvertently, perused the message accusing me of violating a financial agreement.

It was like someone slugged me in the stomach. I lost my breath immediately, felt tension in my brain, confusion and fear. Major upset for sure! However, the difference this time was being mindful of what was happening in my body and where the attention was going. Yes, stoppage of breath, followed by thoughts that I was bad, that I did something wrong and that there would be consequences. I knew this was all too familiar behavior with conditioned tendencies from years of tangling and wrangling with key players and being on the defense. I noticed how quickly I could feel like shit and the day turn into darkness. And, I did nothing wrong! He falsely accused me and later recanted with a quasi apology.

Most definitely, this episode took the wind out of my sails and a couple of days to fully recover and realize, once again, that I am courageous, and all the work and “grist for the mill” I’ve experienced in setting myself free have been worth it. With continued, evolving mindfulness, I am free to be and do whatever I want.

And, I do hope that one day I will not longer feel the stretch of a bungee cord to the past.

Wisdom 2.0 Conference - Takeaway 4

David Treleaven Ph.D., “is a writer, educator, and trauma professional whose work focuses on the intersection of trauma and mindfulness”. He spoke about safety, belonging and dignity, essentials for thriving, and asked what we did at a young age to achieve these and what we do as adults. This question was followed by elaborating on human behavior under pressure and conditioned tendencies, citing what he calls “The Grab”. The grab is anything that will take us off center and cause these primary types of behavior: 1) away - I have to get away, 2) towards - what do you need and how can I help, and 3) against -I’m going to fight this. While in “the grab, he encouraged us to notice what happens in the body and where the attention goes vs. the story; it is through this practice of mindfulness that conditioned tendencies can change. As an example, he mentioned his tendency to hold his breath. Bingo for me too!

Wisdom 2.0 Conference - Takeaway 3

Dr. Dan Siegel said the following: Trauma shuts down integrative growth and you start living a life of rigidity. Further, when someone loses an attachment figure at a young age, rewards, mentalization and regulation of body are the 3 primary systems that are affected, and life gets really tight.

Linking the words trauma, integrative growth and rigidity really encapsulates the broad picture of early emotional and physical shock and distress. I can relate to this and, most assuredly, as an example, so can everyone in the foster care system.

Artivism

Citing en.wikipedia.org, “There is a chapter on activism in the book It’s Bigger Than Hip Hop by M.K. Asante. Asante writes of the artist: The artist (artist + activist) uses her artistic talents to fight and struggle with injustice and oppression - by any medium necessary. The artivist merges commitment to freedom and justice with the pen, the lens, the brush, the voice, the body, and the imagination. The artivist knows that to make an observation is to have an obligation.”

I especially love the last line which offers a welcome insight into my tendency toward deep observation - an obligation rather than a liability.

Wisdom 2.0 Conference - Takeaway 2

Tristan Harris from The Center For Humane Technology stated also that, “Language and conversation are the movements” and the question to ask is “How to lead the conversation that leads to change?”

Upon hearing his words resonating with truth, I immediately felt supported with credence given to my work (Artivism) because my art pieces, as well as associated essays, convey experiences, emotions, ideas, and commentary that are relevant to prevailing issues for individuals and the collective.

So, I will carry on hoping to complete my book preview in the near future.

Couples Retreat

Invariably when painting, music is playing or the TV is on. If it’s the TV, generally I gravitate towards older movies I’ve seen several times to avoid visual distraction. Couples Retreat falls in that category and the other night, a particular scene audibly caught my attention. Being good friends, one husband was chastising another for having extramarital affairs. The defense was, “What am I supposed to do? My wife hates me.” Then the clincher line, “Well, whose fault is that? A relationship is a two-way street, not a highway and a bike path!”

I found this to be amusing and true experientially.

Bag Man

This 10/18 podcast by Rachel Maddow and Mike Yarvitz was recommended by a friend. I spent the better part of yesterday intently listening to the 7 episodes. Quite informational on many levels and, of course, well done.

This is a “story of Spiro Agnew, the political fighter”, which she says: “Turns out doesn’t stand alone in history. It was unprecedented then but now, it’s a story that can maybe be instructive for the fights that we ended up in all over again in this reiteration of presidential scandal and the conflict between law enforcement and the White House.” She added that “history really is here to help.”

Rolling Stone Review: https://www.rollingstone.com/politics/politics-features/rachel-maddow-bag-man-podcast-804209/

Sales and Completion

I’ve learned a good salesperson will always validate the sale. Every time one says to me, “You’ve purchased one of my favorite items”, “This looks so good on you”, “You have good taste,” “You’re going to be really happy with this”, etc., etc., etc., I chuckle, ever so aware that he or she is, yep, validating the sale. And, perhaps, discouraging a return as well. All part of the process.

Wisdom 2.0 Conference - Takeaway 1

There were some valuable takeaways. One session that stood out featured Jack Kornfield and Tristan Harris, interviewer and interviewee respectively. Jack introduced Tristan as the “whistleblower of technology” as he worked for the big tech companies Google and Facebook, and left to start The Center for Humane Technology. He spoke about brain hacking and persuasive technology with the focus on “how much human attention can we gain” rather than the use of technology for good, adding the tidbit that “email is a stressful product”. His great dismay was a motivator for a different, vastly more humane direction and new company.

Random Recollection

Years ago a friend became the manager of a Chanel boutique. After describing further plans to beautify the store, he launched into how he prepared his salespeople with a key focus on the mindset right before opening the doors. His daily stated mantra to them was, “It’s showtime!” Meaning, no matter what, to ensure sales, the great show must go on.

These words made an immediate impression with the realization that I, too, as his new customer, got caught up in the theatrics of the show, the seductive power of persuasion, and even purchased a few, questionable items. This was my mistake and one that I did not repeat there once I heard and grasped his words. The exterior show can be quite compelling and disguising. I often remind myself to be aware of the veil and what visually appears to be.